BOSTON – Given that the end of the current cycle is on the horizon, the Arkham Horror LCG community has been anticipating the future with vigor as everyone looks forward to having a brand new Survivor investigator to complain about. Our reporters interviewed some local players to learn more.
“Survivor investigators are just jank, that’s all they are!” loudly complained local player Herman Hermanson. “Calvin, Patrice… what even are these people? I’m gonna punch myself and then discard my hand, HERP DERP. I’m helping!” Hermanson said as he mimed punching himself in the face.
“I guess Pete has a dog, so that’s cool, but even then – 5 sanity? Are you kidding me? Was this class even playtested?” Hermanson said, facepalming aggressively.
“And why would you ever play Yorick when you could just play an actual Guardian? Play Tommy, dumbasses!”
Another player, Katrina Thomas, had the following negativity about Survivors to add.
“It’s like as a faction they don’t have an identity, you know? It’s like their whole schtick is losing, but like… I want to win, so why would I want losing to be my gimmick? That just seems stupid,” said Thomas.
“Then they released Rita who can pass a test, I mean, if it’s Agility that is. But like, her cardpool is trash! So why even go there?” Hermanson added from across the hall.
“I disagree!” yelled nearby player Gina Rogers. “The problem with Survivors isn’t that they’re bad, it’s that they’re too good! They get level 4 and 5 powered cards at 3xp only! What the FUCK? What is FFG thinking with this piece of shit, poorly designed class! Clearly whichever new investigator that comes out for Survivor is going to break the game, AGAIN. This class is clearly TOO strong.”
“Shut the fuck up, Gina! Survivors are TRASH.” Hermanson yelled.
“Fuck, well either way, at this point, we’re all just kind of tired about complaining about the same people and are looking forward to having a new investigator to bitch and moan about,” Thomas said, nodding thoughtfully.
“It had better not be Silas in the next cycle, I’ve already bitched at length about his 2 Will and 5 sanity and I’m not about to have that discussion again for another 8 months,” muttered Hermanson. Gina Rogers then punched Hermanson in the face for suggesting that Silas was bad, yelling that Silas was one of the best fighters in the game and if you can’t deal with his sanity, then you need to sell your whole collection right now because you don’t know how any of the fucking cards work.