By Daisy Walker
Well, everyone’s arguing about Rogues and Survivors and Mystics again. How predictable. You know what that means? Guess nobody cares about Seekers – AGAIN!
That’s right, time for our monthly discussion on who’s the worst. Meanwhile, me and my friends are actually working. Does anyone else care? No, they’re too busy complaining about Skids, who need I remind you, hasn’t even opted to move since the scenario started because he’s failed Frozen in Fear with -1 token draws for 3 rounds in a row and is still drawing cards looking for his Tennessee Sour Mash as though that’s going to magically help him be less shitty. Did anyone even see that Minh just earned everyone two Victory Points by herself with Working a Hunch and Connect the Dots? Is nobody watching Joe Diamond literally murdering people? No, because everyone’s too busy shitting on Opportunist to notice a goddamn thing.
And our Mystics are too boring, huh? Agnes testing the same stat over and over and over again is a real snooze fest? Meanwhile, Mandy is out here investigating 5 times in a row and oh, look at that, it’s Mind Over Matter to evade the Fanatic, wow, super boring plays from her. Akachi wishes she could get clues like us. What was that, Akachi? You lost your whole turn again while trying to be helpful? Well, I would find the world’s smallest violin for you to play you a very sad song, but looks like it’s in a certain someone’s discard pile!
It seems like we need 12 clues to advance this act, and since this team is a Rogue, a Mystic, a Survivor, and myself, guess I’m going to have to find 12 clues since everyone else apparently is trash, possibly trash, or too boring to be playable. Isn’t that right, guys? Well, at least you all can take Neutral cards. OOF, that’s a *BURNNN*!
Well, I gotta get out of here because some of us have work to do. By the way, are you a tome? Because you just got READ. D-Walker, out.