FFG Headquarters – After finally listening to the cry of the troubled masses forced to drudge through a cooperative game where some cards are stronger than other cards, FFG has finally released a Restricted List that will both balance the game and prevent people from having any fun at all.

“Trust us, we at FFG spent just as many sleepless nights tossing and turning as you all did knowing that there were people out there playing campaigns with cards like Higher Education or Key of Ys in their decks,” said FFG balance analyst, Melinda McMorris. “While we originally designed these cards so people could have fun, we have now seen the error of our ways. This restricted list will put an end to the chaos.”

“Previously, we thought that maybe people would just mind their own business and not be so invested in what cards people they will never meet are using in their own cooperative gaming sessions,” said McMorris. “However, we realize now the error of our ways, and by banning cards like Machete, removing Rex Murphy from the game, and eliminating the concept of having fun, we will create a much more even playing field for our cooperative gamers.”

At press time, McMorris was working on a new FAQ which would balance the game further by forcing all decks to include 2 copies of Blackjack.