DUNWICH – The investigators were in awe yesterday upon the discovery of ancient folklore which detailed the saga of intrepid adventures known only as Jack and Jill, who, by all accounts, went up a hill.

“It’s astonishing that these ancient investigators were able to make it up to the top as a party of two,” said Daisy Walker. “Jack must have been equipped with powerful weaponry, and Jill must have been well-versed in arcane magic to pull off such a feat.”

“If they were able to accomplish such an amazing act just to fetch a pail of water, I shudder to think how powerful these mythical figures really are,” said Leo Anderson. “Of course, they are merely legends, meant to stir the heart of the people onwards. An inspirational tale. There’s no way Jack and Jill were real people.”

“That pail of water must have been a very valuable pail of water,” said Ursula Downs, stroking her chin and pulling out maps and a compass.

The investigators nodded knowingly when it was later explained to them that Jack fell down and broke his crown and Jill came tumbling after.