A landmark comprehensive new survey has recently announced findings that all of your opinions about Arkham Horror: The Card Game are wrong. In fact, the survey goes on to say that not a single one of your opinions has ever been correct since the game launched in 2016. This aligns with previous surveys which showed that my opinions are always correct, all the time.

“Our methodology discovered this individual made a comment about Guard Dog which contained traces of an opinion,” said the head of research, me. “The opinion expressed by this individual was later proved demonstrably false using the scientific method, a process which involved me thinking about their opinion and realizing I didn’t really vibe with it.”

While the authors of the study have confirmed that this is something you should feel just absolutely terrible and ashamed about, there is no need to lose all hope. The scientists suggest that an easy way you can take action on this issue is to abandon your opinions and adopt my opinions immediately.

“We would like to let everybody know that if they come into any other wrong opinions whether it be on social media or real life, they can protect themselves by covering their ears and chanting one of my better opinions to themselves instead,” said the director of operations for the survey task force, also me. “For example, the next time someone says Guard Dog is free testless damage, simply do what I do and say ‘Oh, interesting, I guess we are just putting literally anything in our ally slots nowadays.'”

The upcoming Scarlet Keys investigator expansion offers the opportunity for you to be wrong about even more cards and for me to be right about them – a situation that the survey task force will be monitoring with great interest.