Following assurances that he was “doing perfectly fine”, Preston Fairmont has announced that he has been greatly enjoying the Scarlet Keys player card reveal season and there was no need to be worried for his mental health whatsoever. This statement comes on the heels of the fifth Illicit Rogue card preview out of eight currently revealed Rogue cards.
“The rumors that I have been crying into a cloth napkin in the corner of Velma’s Diner over these Rogue player card reveals are completely unsubstantiated,” Preston Fairmont told a crowd of deeply concerned reporters on Monday. “In fact, some of my dearest friends are investigators who can play Hidden Pocket, and I would like to wish them all a wonderful day.”
“I mean, who needs new Rogue cards when you have forty resources? Am I right?” Fairmont stated before chuckling nervously as he stared into the abyss.
“I will look forward to making something work with Quick Getaway,” he continued, referencing a new Rogue card which makes him perform an Evasion test using his 1 Agility. “Perhaps I will commit Committed Risk to the test!” Fairmont said, referencing a card that would then make him test at a woefully underwhelming 4 or 5 Agility on a good day.
“Besides, there are fun Survivor cards to choose from! For example, there is, uh, this literal trash can lid,” said the millionaire. “What a delight. I am greatly enjoying The Scarlet Keys, and I am definitely not secretly wishing I was never born watching these fantastic player card reveals.”
Following the press conference, Preston Fairmont was last spotted frantically reading over the Survivor Dilemma cards again to see if he could figure out how the hell to use them.