A new landmark study involving over 1,000 Arkham Horror: The Card Game players has found that if you are someone who routinely plays Mystics, you urgently need to go outside and touch some grass. The study, which took place over several years and involved many hours of interviews, discovered that Mystic players were at a much higher risk of being incredibly cringe when compared to all other players.
The incredibly academic methodology for this study involved players talking to Harrison Guzman from Miskatonic University Radio, who was then responsible for assigning all players a score ranging from 1, which meant extremely cringe, to 10, which meant not cringe at all.
“Our study found that while most Arkham Horror players scored a respectable 7 or 8, a shocking 100% of Mystic players interviewed scored a 1,” Guzman explained to our reporter. “This level of extreme cringe can be dangerous to one’s health, and that’s why I urgently recommend all Mystic players take regular breaks every game to go outside, breathe some fresh air, and remind yourself that there is more to life than playing the most embarrassing shit available to you in card games.”
“I found that the average Mystic player takes double or even triple the number of Will tests as a normal, healthy investigator,” Guzman continued. “That’s just… ew. A great way to rectify this is to take all the Mystic cards and put them back in the box.”
Guzman would like to clarify that Amina Zidane from the upcoming The Scarlet Keys expansion is very much not cringe and is exempt from this framework.